Spring

Dear readers.

For the last months Sweden has been covered in snow. Mountains of white crap that has been moved from the streets are everywhere. Still, even now.
But it's melting now.

Of course, the last time we said that spring was closing on us, it started snowing again, so maybe I shouldn't jinx it.

Now it seems as if we're on the right track, though, so I will do nothing but home.

I have been writing in Swedish these last days. For those who know me, you are aware of the fact that I feel more comfortable when writing in English for some reason. Even though it's not my native language I have found that I prefer to write in it.
But since I decided to enter a short-story competition. I need to write a fantasy story between 5000 and 40,000 characters (without the blanks) and send it to them before March 31st.

I don't know what hopes I have on this story. Everytime I start writing on it, I automatically think of it in English but the concept doesn't work when I switch language. It's rather awful I believe. However, I can't know.

Now I should get back to writing on it, so I have it ready on time.
Sarah

New Theme

How do you all like my new theme, dear readers? I find it quite suiting.

It's very me.


Sarah

London calling.

Oh dear readers,

In only HOURS (16.5 hours, if one want to be exact) my friend Ellen and I will be leaving this dreadful country. Right now the weather is simply awful: There's mist, snow, and a very low temperature.
But, in a mere 16.something hours, I shall be on a plane heading for London. Now, I know London isn't very far from here, and to be honest we share some of this weather. But when we have been dealing with temperatures of -25 (Monday Morning) they've have +9.

Going to school that day was not something I wanted to do very much.

So far we haven't planned all too much. One day we will be going to the middle of nowhere to see John Barrowman (yes, I am still fan-girling). Ellen is a bit upset about this fact, but I am going shopping with her, so there we go.

I also managed to slip in a trip to the Who Shop here, but she then countered me with the London Dungeon.... This means I will be scared shitless, but at least I will have my nerdy apparel when doing it.

I'm pretty excited about all this (couldn't you tell?) for as fun as it was the last time, during Sitc, I never really got the change to just stroll around London. This will be a whole lot more museums, theatres and maybe even a signed John Barrowman CD. (Hopefully accompanied by a picture)

Now I am just waiting for Ellen to arrive, she'll be here in an hour or so, and THEN I will wait for the morning. AND THEN, we're off.

I really hope I shall be able to see Lucy again when I am there! I miss her lots, and it would be great to just take a coffee or something, catch up and such.

Also, I must share this webcomic I have been reading non-stop the last couple of days. It's called Questionable Content and it one of the most hilarious and wonderful things I have read in a while. It's very fun to go back to the first one and see how he has evolved, as well read the little snippets of his life by the end of each comic.
I am on 700 now, and have even more left. Better get to it!

Have a wonderful week.

Birthday parties

Hello dear readers,

My friends and I love birthday parties. We always try to plan a surprise one, though we have done so many now that they are hardly a surprise anymore. If it's your birthday, something will happen.
One of my friends, Amanda, turned 18 yesterday. Yes, her birthday is on the 14th of february, but she doesn't like us to linger on that so let's move on.

She turned 18, and we decided to take her bowling, as well as buy her some... Well, let's call them adult gifts.

We had a great time, even though it was pretty obvious that something was going on. She finished earliest of us all, and still we told her to stay here, no explanation given. She ten waited two hours for the last one to finish school, and then we simple dragged her away.

Not quiet as well done as Sara's birthday party.

Then we contacted her parents, asked them to leave a key so we could get in their house. They were away on a baptism, so we knew we had lots of time. We decorated the living-room with balloon and all that stuff you bring out when there's a party. When we came home we hid behind a counter, and sang Don't Stop Believing in Glee style, as that is the version she loves the best.

It was wonderful.

However, it seems as if all of my friends are turning eighteen and I will be left behind. Saras and Sara are our 93's so I will still have a year on them, but my birthday isn't until september, far after the rest.
But, lucy for me, it's one day BEFORE the election, which means I get to vote!

It's not that I want to go out an party, for as all you readers might have guessed, I am not really a party girl. But I am still left behind. And mesa don't like it.

Sarah

Worldsuck

I know, dear readers, I am about to hit you with yet another depressing post. But that is what I am here for, and now I have warned you. You are, of course, free to leave and go on with your perfect lives. If not, then be my guest and keep reading.

Sometimes it's the small things in life that makes you cry. I am not saying that the big things don't hurt, for they do. Of course they do, and they can alter your life in ways no one ever thought possible. I am not ignoring the big things. I promise you. But the little things often get pushed out of the way because, hey, you're not suffering as much as the people in Haiti are.
Obviously, I am not.

But what if you feel bad? That won't go away just because you have a bed to sleep in and food on the table. Life is supposed to be so much more than that, and dammit, I want more.
I don't want to wake up and wish I didn't have to face another day. I don't want to go to bed with a headache because I was fighting with my brother again.

I want to be happy, but I am just to damn negative to be that.

I am always the one to tells people to get over it. Be happy. If you try, then you will succeed. And you cannot fail until you have tried. But what about me?
Why do I not follow the advice I keep throwing at others? Why am I allowed to hurt inside when I tell other to simply stop whining.

I am a terrible person, that's why.

It's easier to tell other what to do. It's easier to tell them to get over it because it's not you. It's not I who is crying on the inside, not about that. But I know. I know it hurts.
I know.

So, wat I am trying to say is that life kind of sucks. But we all need to get back up on that bucking horse, and just grab the reins and go. Don't care about the people hurting you, and the tears you need to shed. Don't bother with the idiots and bad days. If you want, you can conquer all that, and you can be happy.
It's just a really long ride.

But you can make it.

I have a sadface today.

I've been thinking a lot about my hand these past couple of weeks, and how much it has stopped me from achieving things in life. It's made me stay on the sidelines instead of leading the pack. It has made me afraid of being who I am pretty sure I could be.

Though I am often held back by it, I think it has made me more of a fighter. I've had to struggle for things in life. For the small things. And the big things.

When I was a kid the playgrounds were all about the big scary climbing wall. You've all seen it. When we look at it now, we laugh and wonder why we ever thought it was so important to reach the top. But it was something we had to fight for. Some of us never got past the first step. Some of us got caught in the middle and some of us reached the top.

Mom used to say that it didn't matter if I reached the top. And to her it didn't. She still loved me. But I think I had to prove to myself, and everybody else, that I could. I could climb that wall, hand or no hand.

And I did. I climbed. And I won.

It was a great accomplishment for me. These days things are harder.

I've always been taught by my parents never to be ashamed of my dysmelia, and that I don't need to hide it. I haven't, but it's still always on my mind and subconsciously, it scares me. I am afraid.

I admit it. Because of this, I have given up things in life. I've been hiding. I've stepped off the ledge when all I should have done was to jump out and hope that my wings will carry me. But I haven't. Maybe I will soon. I've already started to trust and believe in myself more this last couple of years.

But I am only jumping a few feet. Nothing more.

I know my handicap is very simple, and I am lucky. I've got my wrist left, something I have had so much use of. I don't feel lucky most of the time though. I feel angry and sad. This isn't easy, and no one really deserves this.

This is such a depressing post, but I just need to get it out every other month or so. Usually I keep it all inside, until I burst out into a fit of tears.

I guess I just hate it sometimes. I hate it so much

2010, or as I like to call it, 7625.

To be honest, dear readers, I really don't know why there is such a big excitement about the new year. We're just celebrating a random amount of years.

If you're Christian and think that I am just a big bowl of evil at the moment, even you have to agree with that Jesus was not born 2010 years ago. The count started a long time after he died. So why is this number so great?

What is so special about 2010? It's not as if we celebrate the birth of earth. That happened many, many billions years ago. We're not celebrating the birth if home sapiens.

We are celebrating a random year. If you want to start your own, this might as well be year 52. Or 5691. It's up to you.

What many also fail to remember is that this new year isn't for all. The Chinese for example, their new year starts in february.

So, I have no point with this post. I just don't understand it.

Sarah,