Birthday parties

Hello dear readers,

My friends and I love birthday parties. We always try to plan a surprise one, though we have done so many now that they are hardly a surprise anymore. If it's your birthday, something will happen.
One of my friends, Amanda, turned 18 yesterday. Yes, her birthday is on the 14th of february, but she doesn't like us to linger on that so let's move on.

She turned 18, and we decided to take her bowling, as well as buy her some... Well, let's call them adult gifts.

We had a great time, even though it was pretty obvious that something was going on. She finished earliest of us all, and still we told her to stay here, no explanation given. She ten waited two hours for the last one to finish school, and then we simple dragged her away.

Not quiet as well done as Sara's birthday party.

Then we contacted her parents, asked them to leave a key so we could get in their house. They were away on a baptism, so we knew we had lots of time. We decorated the living-room with balloon and all that stuff you bring out when there's a party. When we came home we hid behind a counter, and sang Don't Stop Believing in Glee style, as that is the version she loves the best.

It was wonderful.

However, it seems as if all of my friends are turning eighteen and I will be left behind. Saras and Sara are our 93's so I will still have a year on them, but my birthday isn't until september, far after the rest.
But, lucy for me, it's one day BEFORE the election, which means I get to vote!

It's not that I want to go out an party, for as all you readers might have guessed, I am not really a party girl. But I am still left behind. And mesa don't like it.

Sarah

Worldsuck

I know, dear readers, I am about to hit you with yet another depressing post. But that is what I am here for, and now I have warned you. You are, of course, free to leave and go on with your perfect lives. If not, then be my guest and keep reading.

Sometimes it's the small things in life that makes you cry. I am not saying that the big things don't hurt, for they do. Of course they do, and they can alter your life in ways no one ever thought possible. I am not ignoring the big things. I promise you. But the little things often get pushed out of the way because, hey, you're not suffering as much as the people in Haiti are.
Obviously, I am not.

But what if you feel bad? That won't go away just because you have a bed to sleep in and food on the table. Life is supposed to be so much more than that, and dammit, I want more.
I don't want to wake up and wish I didn't have to face another day. I don't want to go to bed with a headache because I was fighting with my brother again.

I want to be happy, but I am just to damn negative to be that.

I am always the one to tells people to get over it. Be happy. If you try, then you will succeed. And you cannot fail until you have tried. But what about me?
Why do I not follow the advice I keep throwing at others? Why am I allowed to hurt inside when I tell other to simply stop whining.

I am a terrible person, that's why.

It's easier to tell other what to do. It's easier to tell them to get over it because it's not you. It's not I who is crying on the inside, not about that. But I know. I know it hurts.
I know.

So, wat I am trying to say is that life kind of sucks. But we all need to get back up on that bucking horse, and just grab the reins and go. Don't care about the people hurting you, and the tears you need to shed. Don't bother with the idiots and bad days. If you want, you can conquer all that, and you can be happy.
It's just a really long ride.

But you can make it.

I have a sadface today.

I've been thinking a lot about my hand these past couple of weeks, and how much it has stopped me from achieving things in life. It's made me stay on the sidelines instead of leading the pack. It has made me afraid of being who I am pretty sure I could be.

Though I am often held back by it, I think it has made me more of a fighter. I've had to struggle for things in life. For the small things. And the big things.

When I was a kid the playgrounds were all about the big scary climbing wall. You've all seen it. When we look at it now, we laugh and wonder why we ever thought it was so important to reach the top. But it was something we had to fight for. Some of us never got past the first step. Some of us got caught in the middle and some of us reached the top.

Mom used to say that it didn't matter if I reached the top. And to her it didn't. She still loved me. But I think I had to prove to myself, and everybody else, that I could. I could climb that wall, hand or no hand.

And I did. I climbed. And I won.

It was a great accomplishment for me. These days things are harder.

I've always been taught by my parents never to be ashamed of my dysmelia, and that I don't need to hide it. I haven't, but it's still always on my mind and subconsciously, it scares me. I am afraid.

I admit it. Because of this, I have given up things in life. I've been hiding. I've stepped off the ledge when all I should have done was to jump out and hope that my wings will carry me. But I haven't. Maybe I will soon. I've already started to trust and believe in myself more this last couple of years.

But I am only jumping a few feet. Nothing more.

I know my handicap is very simple, and I am lucky. I've got my wrist left, something I have had so much use of. I don't feel lucky most of the time though. I feel angry and sad. This isn't easy, and no one really deserves this.

This is such a depressing post, but I just need to get it out every other month or so. Usually I keep it all inside, until I burst out into a fit of tears.

I guess I just hate it sometimes. I hate it so much

2010, or as I like to call it, 7625.

To be honest, dear readers, I really don't know why there is such a big excitement about the new year. We're just celebrating a random amount of years.

If you're Christian and think that I am just a big bowl of evil at the moment, even you have to agree with that Jesus was not born 2010 years ago. The count started a long time after he died. So why is this number so great?

What is so special about 2010? It's not as if we celebrate the birth of earth. That happened many, many billions years ago. We're not celebrating the birth if home sapiens.

We are celebrating a random year. If you want to start your own, this might as well be year 52. Or 5691. It's up to you.

What many also fail to remember is that this new year isn't for all. The Chinese for example, their new year starts in february.

So, I have no point with this post. I just don't understand it.

Sarah,

Christmas and #p4a

To begin with, dear reader, Project for Awesome, was as the name hints, completely and utterly awesome. I didn't sleep more than six hours during those three days but it was worth it, oh so worth it. We managed to get to number one on the trending topics with out lovely hash-tag #p4a and though my internet stopped me from watching, I hear the livestream show was amazing.

Also, for those of you who celebrate it, you might have noticed that Christmas is nearing. As a matter of fact, it's in two days.

Here in Sweden we have the ridiculous tradition to celebrate Christmas on the 24th. I do not know why, for it makes no sense. But I find it tiring to complain about things I will obviously not be able to change, so I do not care.

Actually, I find our traditions here quite nice.

We have our stockings that we keep close by. As a kid I always hung it right beside my bed so I didn't have to leave my bed in order to open it.

Yes. I was a lazy back then.

If you're a kid you spend the morning complaining about how long they have to wait before opening the rest of their presents. If you're an adult, you either cook or you run around trying to keep check of those kids who often OD on candy.

Honestly, the second job is hard.

Then, after finding our family and praying that the night will go past without any mishaps, we all gather around the TV at three o'clock, young and old, to watch Donald Duck. I don't know why we still call it Donald duck when now adays there are many different movies, and not all are connected to Donald.

It's actually the Cricket from Pinocchio who leads the show.

I know this sounds completely crazy, but it's been a tradition for many many years, and we simply must follow it. We can't NOT watch Donald on Christmas.

As a matter of fact, one Christmas the power went off because of a storm, and came back about five minutes after Donald ended. We were all devastated.

We then eat for hours and complain about not opening our presents, and then, finally, some poor soul dressed as Santa comes in and hands out a few presents.

When I was five or six, I found a Santa suit underneath my parents' bed. I was destroyed.

He then leaves, and everybody starts ripping up their presents like crazy, and before you know it, the time has passed. The room is now covered in paper and strings. The dogs love it.

This is when the parents begin to drink some more, and where the children run around playing with their brand new toys. I often find myself in the corner with a book and a glass of champagne, though I am not really allowed to.

It's lovely.

And this is a very boring post, but I have been a rather boring person lately, so there you go.

Have a Merry Christmas, and a happy new year.

(Are you guys as excited for the Doctor Who finale as I am?)

Snow

Dear readers, Sweden now has snow.

It probably won't last long, and as far as I know, being as sick as I have been the last week, it's no snow-ball snow. And we all know that it isn't real snow unless you can make a good snowball. But this snow means that at least the global warming isn't as bad as we thought.

Just kidding. It's really bad.

But at least it means that Sweden might have a white Christmas again! This hasn't really happened in a few years. I remember one year when it rained all Christmas and we even had to cancel Santa because taking one step outside of the house meant looking like a whale. Yes.

I was a bit put off when Nevada, the desert, had snow and we up here, basically on the freaking polar circle, didn't even have a single snow-flake. If my face spoke in chat-speak, it would have yelled WTF. But thankfully it doesn't.

So snow. Yay.

I am currently reading The Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, and I cannot believe I have not done so before. This is seriously, one of the best books I have read and I am close to declaring Douglas Adams as a genius.

Now I am off to bed, dear readers. Or, well, I al already in bed, but I am to lie down some MORE and read my book. So technically I am simply exchanging the computer for a book and not really moving towards sleep.

Okay, dear readers, I am now going to read a book and..not sleep. Yes. That sounds good. Bye.

Sarah

My life on the internet

Hello again dear readers, if there are any.

I have been asking all my friends online today for their addresses so I can send them christmas-cards. Now, this would be a whole lot cheaper and easier if I send them 'e-cards' or just pictures in general. But that's so easy, and it's basically what we do already. What I want to do, is to send them actual physical evidence of my existence.

Or something like that.

To be honest, I have only met - what could be it? - four people I have gotten to know through the internet, and one of them was not connected to the Nerdfighter community. Normally I would be the one who says, "No! Don't go and meet that strange person you have met on the internet!"

Which is what sane people might scream at the top of their lungs I suppose. But when it comes to my Nerdfighter friends, my Harry Potter friends and all those other people I don't think of them as creepy perverts. I have never given some thought of that they might be. To a great extent this is because I know them through pictures and videos, so it's easier to believe them.

But, when it comes down to it, all these social networks we have today, we really need to beware. With that said, I am going to point out how awesome they are. Just because you can do that when writing a blog-post.

My life on the internet began on Meg Cabot Message Boards. There I found the vlogbrothers and youtube.

Before that, Youtube had been a place where I could watch cute cats or people falling from silly things like a rolling trash-can. It was a place for music videos and movie-scenes. Never, in my whole life, had I thought I would find a community like the one there is.

Now, I live with it. I make videos at least once a week, and I watch all too many

After youtube it was twitter. Twitter lead me to Dailybooth and now, after two years, I found formspring.

It's amazing how much facts about my life you can find if you just look for it. If I ever were to become famous, I'd never have to write a "In the life of.." You'd have it all here!

You could argue that I have too much information out in cyberspace, but I truly don't care. It's nothing that can come back and haunt me or hurt people, so I must be satisfied.

I don't really know where I am heading with this post. I suppose I wanted to give my appreciation to the internet. The shameless linking a few lines up was all for your benefit.

Now... I am going to continue coughing even though it's 1.30 AM. I've been sick for a week, and the tough cold is refusing to give in.

Also, like I mentioned, I have been writing christmas cards all day, and if you want one (you do) send me your address in a mail, or on Dailybooth or where ever you would like to send it from/to.

I better be off now. cough cough.

sarah.saville - at - ybc-nacka.se