My sanctuary

I’m sitting under the heat-lamps in the glassed room outside my cousin’s house. It’s getting dark, but the sky is still blue so you can just make out the line of trees behind the lake. There are mosquitos buzzing around me, so I have to stop the writing to wave them off from time to time. I am slightly allergic to the bites, you see, so one on my wrist can make the whole itchy for a week.
The whole family is gathered around me, laughing and playing UNO, all while eating the cake I threw together because I had some raspberry-frosting over from the cupcakes I made yesterday.
There is a sense of calm in the chaos. While the youngest of us, my cousin and brother, are taking UNO very seriously, my mom and aunt are mostly laughing and enjoying themselves. The older cousin, feeling very adult at the age of seventeen, is sitting with his two friends at the end of the table, they too munching away on the cake. It’s calm. And loud.
I haven’t been back here for a while, out in the forest with my family. School came in the way, as it has been doing for everything the last year or so. Coming here always makes me feel at home, though I have never spent more than a few weeks here a year. It is so very nice and calm here. We are, in my opinion, in the middle of nowhere. The closest city, which is not a city I have been told, but a community, can be walked through in nothing more than a song or two and everything is surrounded by trees and more trees.
I was just interrupted by my brother proudly exclaiming that he has been cheating for some time now. Oh, what a little mongrel. Back to the story.
Since I live in the big city, coming here is always such a change. We went to the cinema last week and we had to drive for 45 minutes. It barely takes 45 minutes door to door back home. It is very nice to be so isolated though. I have internet, which keeps me sane, and I have my books, which keep me happy. It is, in my mind, the perfect holiday after a year of crying over IB and then two months of hard work. It is, in fact, exactly what I need.
The game goes on. The cousin and his friends have joined, blending into the group as everybody seems to be doing in such close-knit communities on the country. They’re laughing and teasing each other almost to the limit (the girl did storm out in an outrage concerning her snoring at one point) but the warmth remains, and it’s not all from the lamps.
As I sit here with my computer in front of me, typing away, I feel like I am nothing but an observer, like I am not apart of the group. Of course, I could jump right with with just a few words or a smile, but I feel more comfortable this way. Outside. On my own. Observing people in their right element. I think that might be both the writer and the photographer in me: Always wanting to see, without getting involved. It can also come from years of being to afraid to leave the background, and of not really being allowed.
I do like it here though. Behind the shield of my computer. It is a very nice, and safe, place to be.
Just like with this place in the forest. It’s outside the real world, outside reality. It is a safe place in a world where you are expected to achieve every single second of the day. Where there are plans and commitments. I miss the big city at times, just as I miss being involved with reality at times, but it is very nice sitting here. Outside the group, outside the world, and just breathe.
Just breathe.

#YAsaves.

If you live on the internet, as so many of us do, it is very likely that you have read the article from the Wall Street Journal that has been circulating the past few days. If you have not heard about it, the article in question was about Young Adult fiction and how it is 'depraving' and "hideously distorted portrayals of what life is." If you did read the article (or did so after reading this) you probably understand that it is wrong on so many levels, but it's not really what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about the part YA played in my life, and how the 'dark and depraved' literature is in fact so much more. So many wonderful and beautiful things have already been said but I thought I would offer my two cents to this whole discussion.
Warning for personal thoughts and whatnot. This affected me on a pretty personal level, and I'm going to express many thoughts I don't think I have really told anyone.

I was pretty shy and awkward when I was younger. As I became a teenager, I was actually pretty deep in social phobia to be honest, though I do not like to admit it. I had trouble making friends because I did not, and I really mean not, like to talk to people. I avoided it at any cost. It could do go days when I barely even said a word in school, even though I was rarely all alone. I was quiet, not because I did not have anything to say, but because I simply didn't dare. I convinced myself I preferred being alone. It was fine that I rarely did anything with friends. It was okay listening to them talking about matters I cared about, but didn't dare voice my opinion. So I told myself.
This whole social incompetence came both from shyness, but also from the belief that I was different. It had a lot to do with my hand, something I've talked a lot about on this blog before, so I shall not bring it up again. Basically, I was pretty sad and hid within myself.

But when I went home, when I was all alone, a bit sad, I read. I read everything I could get my hands on. My mom has always loved to read, so I never had any problems finding more books to read. I did not just read YA fiction, I read novels meant for adults as well. I read Joyce Carol Oates, Stephen King, Neil Gaiman and Diana Gabaldon. I read Meg Cabot and Maureen Johnson, J.K Rowling and Terry Brooks. I read because reading made me happy. I read because when I was completely engrossed in a novel, I could forget about how sad I was. I could forget about how bad it felt when people made plans in front of me, but did not include me. I could forget about how the girl who had been my best friend for years, suddenly ignored me because in her eyes I wasn't 'cool enough'. I could forget about my own sadness.

I read so much, and every novel I read introduced me to another, and that one to another. Reading broadened my mind in so many eyes. I learnt about other cultures, became interested in other languages, and most importantly, it made me look at the world differently. Then, I was introduced to Nerdfighteria and my whole life changed. I found that I could make friends by just being me. I became apart of a youtube channel where we discussed novels. Not that much discussing was actually done, but I opened up and grew. I read John Green's novels, books that are dark and wonderful in their own special way. I found that YA literature was much larger and so much more beautiful than I had previously thought.

I have read dark novels. I have read stories about people on top of the world, and those who are being crushed under it. Has it changed me? Has it defined me as a person? Oh yes. So much. Do I regret it?

Not for one second.

Literature, especially YA literature which is so easy to identify with, made me who I am today, dark and cute stuff alike and I would not go back to that scared little girl, no matter what.

Whenever people say that literature hurts, I just want to punch someone. As Maureen Johnson was tweeting at the most, someone sent her this picture. I just want those book banners and the 'upset moms' to look at this picture and realize what it stands for.
Literature helps us all grow in every direction.

My favorite part of this though, was the tweet someone went Maureen received. It was from Euranna317 and it said "What I love about that pic is that if the kid can show enough others what he's seen, eventually they'll pull down that wall."

I would like to think that if enough people of our generation read, we might not build the same wall for future generations.

To be reading has defined my (albeit short) life, but it doesn't end there. While reading helped for the moment, I also found something that will help in the future. By going through author after author, I found something so important. I found a passion. I began writing. And then I didn't stop. Writing is now so important to me, I don't know what I would do if I was not constantly thinking about it. It is what I want to do for the rest of my life, no matter if I make a living our of it or not. What genre would I like to write in, you may ask, and, shocker here, I want to write young adult fiction.

Without literature and the world it introduced me to, I do not know how I had survived high school. I might not have been here. Without literature, I would not know what to study at university. I don't even know if I would have wanted to continue studying.

 Literature, especially YA fiction, saved me, like it saved so many, from falling into despair. I owe every single author found in my room, so much. I would not trade a single read for for anything. 

Blood, sweat and tears, it's finally over.

As many of you know (or as two of you know, depending on how many people actually read this blog) I finished the IB program ten days ago. On Wednesday I will graduate for real, and my time as an IB diploma student will be over.
It is truly strange to sit down in front of the computer when I get home and not study. The pressure to study these last six months has really gotten to me, I think it has gotten to all of us. Sleep is probably what has been affected the most. I know that "we can sleep after IB" had become a regular expression among us as the exams got closer. Now that it is all over, and has been over for several days, there is still that anxiety attacking me when I go to bed and realize I have not studied for tomorrow.
I have been in school full-time for twelve years. Thirteen if you count the "six-year school" but honestly, all we did was play with plastic dinosaurs, sang songs and re-enacted the Lion King in the pillow room, so perhaps it should be counted among the kindergarten years instead.
But twelve years. I admit the first few were not always about studying, but it was still school. You had to get up early in the morning, go away to an institution you definitely loathed certain days and you have to learn. Oh the learning. Now I cherish every new piece of information about the world, but at ten? I couldn't care less about what happened if you divided 33. (to be honest, math has never been that high up on the priority list. Though I have gotten quite better at division since then.) I always liked the books though. The getting lost in other worlds. The cozying down under the covers on a rainy (or sunny) day and just read.
I always did like learning to a certain extent (IB has forever ruined that expression for me.) I was is somewhat of a know-it-all, so I loved arguing with people. And I was always right. Always. Never wrong. Always right.
I am going off to University of course. If things go my way, I will be sitting in Scotland next September, reading a book of my literature list and enjoying the finer things in life. And by finer, I mean IB all over again. Only worse. But before all of this, I am taking a year off. I think it's good to take a year off, especially after IB. It's so different from the Swedish system in thinking and in tempo. When all my friends complained about only have a week to write a paper, I was at home trying to write the one we had been given today. Due tomorrow. It was fun though, I won't deny it. I have met some wonderful people I know I will continue to be friends with for a long while and I've learnt a lot. Not just about history or maths, but about my own strengths  and weaknesses. Though so very cliched, I have climbed out of the shell I was in, and now I can actually talk to strangers. Who would have thought that could be possible.
It is just so strange, that after three years of hard-core studying, I will do nothing for a whole year. I will be working of course, but there will be no essays to write. To seminars to get ready for. No tests to study for, no syllabuses to read and definitely no CAS hours to complete. I'll be free.
After a life that has been defined by school for twelve years, I will be able to pick up a good book of my own choosing (no more Prep in my house) and just read. I will be able to make plans without the constant "oh, I have to study!"I will be able to sleep for a whole night.
There you have it. My end of school post. I don't really know how I feel about it. Of course it is not really the end, as uni is just over a year away, but it's the end here. I will most likely never study in Sweden again.

I'm Sarah and I am done.

Morning ramble.

Well, hello. Look who is here.

I am writing this post because I am bored, not ready to do homework before school and there is a man ripping up our kitchen floor. I don't really want to go downstairs. Stuff keeps crashing...

Anywho, I am stressed and tired (and I probably SHOULD study before I leave for school) yet I have not yet reached the panic state I should be in. I guess that will kick in after the weekend when I am down to five days before my Visual Arts exhibition. Oh my.

That was all for me I think, I am now going to get dressed and avoid the wrecker of floors before running out of the house. A ride to school is amazing, and guess what? Sweden has some sun today.

Just a little something.

And what a failure BEDA was for me. Such a gigantic failure. But no more of that.

Instead I would like to talk about two things; the first one being Scandinavians in your pants, which is a Youtube channel I used to be a part of. Now it's time for a new generation to take our place, but so far we have only found three girls. Tuesday and Thursday our still available, and if you live in Scandinavia and is interested, or know someone who is interested, please contact the channel. Having a full week would be nice.

The second thing I wanted to mention is a website called the Nerfighter Gazette. It's an online magazine my good friend Bekah started, and lately not much has happened. If you want to bee a writer all you need to do is to go here, (Also known as the "Write for NFG"-button) and sign up! It's really easy. And if you wish to recommend the website via twitter, please send me or Bekah a little notice, so we can thank you.

That was all. I am going to go back to being very lazy now.

Blog Everyday in August #8 - I am in Norway

The reason I didn't blog yesterday was because I went to Norway. Now, you might say: "But didn't you have time to write even a short little post?"

The answer is no. I didn't even unpack my computer.

But I am now going to tell you what I did yesterday and how much fun it waaas.

First I got up way too early. This might have had something to do with the fact that I was up all night talking to friends. Might be connected..

But 6.30 is early in my mind. I managed to leave my bed with sheer willpower, and then I went to the train station.

I was really surprised that so many people were out and about. Yes, it was 7.30, but it was a Saturday.. I assumed people would be in bed just like I wanted to be. Obviously I was wrong

Then came the six hour train ride.

Normally I like riding the train, and I usually relax quite a lot. But I was sitting next to the most annoying man in the history of the world. He was constantly talking to his daughter and wife who were sitting on the seat in front of us. Then, of course, he managed to splash me with his bubbly water.

I was not amused.

A woman sitting on the other side of the aisle asked me if I could help her off with her bag, since she had her dog to take care of as well. I assumed this meant that I would just carry it down the stairs tat we were sitting right next to. Then just as the train was stopping, a voice over the speaker tells us that the platform is really short, and that we can only get off on the first two wagons.

We were sitting in the other end of the train.

So I had to run through the entire train with her bag, which was really really heavy. And when I did manage to get her bag off the train, I had to go back to my seat. On my way back there my skirt got caught in a broken chair and it's not completely ruined.

Worst train trip ever.

But then I actually got to Oslo, and then everything got better. We left my heavy bag in a locker and then walked around in the city. Before this though, we walked to the top of the opera building which is absolutely gorgeous.

We met up with Ingvild's friend, who was also called Ingvild, and then walked up to Litteraturhuset where the Harry and the potters show was.

And the show was awesome. It really was. The brothers might not be the best singers, but they put on an amazing show. They're so lively!

We then went to eat, caught a bus back to Ingvild's house, and talked forever and then we fell asleep.

This post has no grammar. I no longer care. AWESOME.

If we can we'll see Kristin today, and... yes. Bye.

The Thought of the Day: I am sleepy. This is all. Also, Swedish is weird.

Blog Everyday in August #6 - A short and hurried update.

I almost forgot to blog!

I am leaving for Oslo in, oh, 8 hours and 38 minutes, so I have been doing absolutely nothing of worth today. No, that's not true, I did the dishes. Can I get a good daughter score for that? A golden star?

The only things I have left to pack are my books, but they shouldn't be too hard to collect.

As a little update of the day: I am very jealous of the people at Summer in the City. I had a blast last year, though it might have been mostly because of Shannon and Lucy. I will be seeing Lucy on my London trip, many woohoo's for that.

I also went shopping, and buying pants sucks since I am still overweight. But I did buy some and they do look pretty, so I am going to stop complaining, and continue with my excercise when I get back from Norway.

I did buy a bra with is AWESOME. It actually fits, and that is something I've had a big problem with. Big is the keyword here. It has the unfortunate color bright pink, but it fits so well, and is also quite comfortable, so I have decided not to care.

It was also very cheap.

Now I am going to try to sleep before the train. I have to get up in little over six hours, which is no fun, but I am guessing Ingvild will make up for it.

The Things of the Day: I AM GOING TO OSLO TOMORROW. I'm excited. I will also go see Harry and the potters with Ingvild, but I am much more excited about seeing her.